Baby report

Warning: The post you are about to read contains the words placenta and uterine. If you feel this is TMI, do not continue reading!

Even though we haven't mentioned it in awhile, we really are having a baby. And we really are excited about it. Although many people wouldn't plan on having a fourth baby (certainly not a 4th c-section), we did. But we do plan on it being our last. As much as we love children and love having children, this is it for us. And while this pregnancy has been really good, it has had just enough worries that we are certain it's time for us to stop.

One major concern we had was the position of my placenta. It is low lying and anterior. For most people that is not a big deal, but because I've had 3 c-sections there were some added risks. One risk is that of placenta accreta, where the placenta attaches too deeply to the uterine wall. This can lead to lots of complications including premature delivery, hemorrhaging, and hysterectomy. The other thing we were worried about was the possibility of having to cut through the placenta to delivery the baby. Thankfully, at 28 weeks, an ultrasound confirmed that my placenta had moved up enough that it should no longer overlap my previous c-section scars and we are no longer concerned about those risks.

At present we are worried about my platelets. Apparently they are low. From what my doctor tells me, normal is about 150, dangerous is about 50, and at my last blood draw I was at 130. We are now monitoring my platelets every few weeks to see if they are dropping and how fast. If they continue to drop below what the anesthesiologist feels is safe (maybe around 100), I won't be able to have an epidural for my c-section. The risks of having an epidural with low platelets include blood clots in the spinal cord, which could result in paralysis. Not good. So for me that would mean having a baby under general anesthesia. Not ideal. Ryan wouldn't be allowed in the OR for delivery and I would go to sleep pregnant and wake up not pregnant. Weird. Also, because we don't know the sex of the baby, I would probably be the last to know, by the time I woke up from the anesthesia. While this isn't as unpleasant as placenta accreta, it is certainly not what I want. We won't know if I'm having an epidural or general anesthesia until the morning of delivery, currently scheduled for June 30th.

Since there isn't anything we can do about my platelets, other than pray, we needed to come up with a plan that we were both comfortable with in regards to finding out the sex of the baby. We are both kind of old fashioned and don't like to find out until that magical moment when the doctor holds the baby up and says, "It's a girl!" or "It's a boy!" We waited with our other kids and the moment did not disappoint. But if I am going to be sleeping through it and Ryan will be waiting in the waiting room, the moment seems a little less magical. But we didn't want to find out now, either, and then end up having everything go as planned and then already know what we're having. After much brainstorming, we decided to have a 3D ultrasound and have the technician determine the sex of the baby but not tell us. She printed a picture and sealed it in an envelope. If the morning of the c-section we find out that I have to have general anesthesia, we will ask for some private time together and open the envelope. If my platelets don't drop and we have an epidural, we won't know until they hold that baby up and we can see for ourselves. That's the plan. Ryan hid the envelope (because he doesn't trust me or Jaida) and we both signed the envelope along the seal so we will know if it has been tampered with. This is serious business!

Below are a few pictures to let you see how things are progressing. With less than six weeks to go, I'm feeling pretty good. Starting to get a little more tired, a little more clumsy, and definitely waddling more. But I'm trying to enjoy every moment, relish every kick, and memorize what it feels like to have a child inside of me. I know too well that it goes by too fast and the next six weeks will be over before I know it. I am very excited about meeting this little person, but I can wait. Even the waiting is a blessing.

Ultrasound at 20 weeks

24 weeks pregnant

32 weeks pregnant

Baby in 3D ultrasound at 33 weeks

Thoughts on blogging

It was recently pointed out to me that we are nearly 1/3 of the way through this year and I still haven't blogged. While I feel terrible about that, it wasn't a huge surprise. The longer I stay away from the blog, the harder it is to go back. And the more people nag me about it, the less I want to do it. But I've also been thinking a lot about the WAY that I've blogged for the last couple of years. The information that I've shared. The information I've held back. And the impression that I am giving my readers (the few that are left anyway...). I've been inspired recently to be more open and honest about my life and experiences in my blog. But I'm still scared and don't know if I can take the plunge completely. This post is an attempt. I want to own my blog and have it reflect me and our family more truly. But old habits are hard to break and I just don't know how much is too much or how much is just enough. I guess we'll see how this goes.

I know the reasons for my hesitation.

1. I don't want anyone to think we feel sorry for ourselves. That we are unhappy or, even worse: miserable. I don't want to sound like we cannot handle the circumstances we've found ourselves in.

2. There are aspects of injury and recovery that are uncomfortable, embarrassing, and sad. And while there is definitely such a thing as TMI (Too Much Information), who decides where that line is? There are things I find hilarious or interesting now that would probably have been objectionable 3 years ago.

3. Most importantly, since Ryan was first injured I have always done my very best to protect his dignity. Overnight he went from being a strong, independent, capable Marine, to a broken, vulnerable survivor. And while I knew that he would return to the strong, capable man that he is, I was always hesitant to allow anyone to see him at his weakest. I knew that he wouldn't want anyone's pity and I always wanted to give him as much control over his circumstances as I could. In the hospital that meant that if he was having a bad day, I would limit his visitors. Once he was outpatient, we learned to stay home if we didn't feel up to the attention (both positive and negative) that Ryan gets in public. And even now I won't publish this post without asking Ryan to read it first and make sure he's okay with everything I've written.

Sometimes I think that because I haven't shared our lives completely some people may have the impression that our lives are, dare I say it, glamorous??? I mean, sure, there's an occasional surgery in there. But when am I not blogging about us jetting off for some fabulous trip or shaking hands with politicians and celebrities. Right? If you read my blog you may think that all we do is television appearances and extreme sports. I mean, Ryan doesn't even REALLY have a normal job.... So maybe a little more honesty is in order.

Like the fact that after every surgery there is a certain amount of wound care that is necessary. Sometimes it's quick and easy. Other times it's tedious and odious. Right now it is the latter. We are two weeks out from Ryan's last laser procedure and wound care is a terrible, disgusting experience. It is very discouraging for both Ryan and I. It's such a setback when the day before surgery he was out in the yard tossing Jaida a football and jumping on the trampoline with Maya and Noah. And I was sitting back with my feet up while he was making dinner on the grill.... Now we are doing dressing changes and pain management and sanity checks. Ryan can't hold the kids and he can't hold me. He can't even sit on the couch without bleeding on it so he has to sit on a towel or sheet. And it's just sad to have your four-year-old ask you to pray with her before bed, but ask you please not to touch her.

And caregiving is hard. I don't ever like to complain to people who don't understand. Because I don't want you to think that I'm not thankful every moment that my husband is still here. I am. He is a miracle. I know how close I came to losing him and I would rather be a caregiver than a widow any day. There is nothing I wouldn't do for Ryan. I love him more than I can explain and would gladly trade places with him so he wouldn't ever have to suffer. But the truth is caregiving is VERY HARD. There were days that Ryan really wasn't himself and the right amount of pain could make anyone mean. There are days that even when you have nothing left to give, you have to keep giving. There are days that you don't have any idea how you're supposed to do what you are doing. There are days that you want to quit and run away. You give and give and give and give and forget to take care of yourself. And when you do finally take some time for yourself you feel guilty about it and forget that it is absolutely necessary for survival.

We have had some less than happy days around this joint. But we are generally positive people and often don't feel it is necessary to worry others with our "light and momentary troubles" (II Corinthians 4:16-18). We don't leave out the details because we want to appear to be super human or stronger or better than anyone else. We just mostly feel we have so much to be thankful for and we try to focus on that thankfulness.

So, I'm not going to stop blogging about the fun things we do or amazing experiences we have. I'm just going to try to include a little more reality when I'm feeling it, instead of sparing you the ugly details. Why now, you may ask? I'm not really sure. I've been thinking about it for awhile and I've been amazed at others who have so publicly shared their trials. They manage to tell you what they are going through without complaining or seeking pity and you leave feeling encouraged and better prepared to handle your own struggles. There is no mirage of perfection.

So....I AM going to finish my top ten and I have so much to tell you about 2010 so far. Baby updates, medical procedures, and funny things the kids do and say. Also, traveling we've done and television appearances too. This is our life. For better or worse.

1

The last big thing that we forgot to tell you about in 2009 was probably one of the hardest decisions we had to make in a long time. After a lot of discussion, prayer, and soul searching, Ryan decided that it was time for him to get out of the Marine Corps. For the two and a half years since his injury, his goal had been to recover and get back to doing what he loves. And he does love being a Marine and flying Cobras. But even as much as he loves the Marine Corps and the life that we have had on active duty, he decided that it was time for a change.

This decision did not come easily for either of us. Ryan's career got cut short at a time when it was really just starting to get fun. He missed out on the best years of being a Cobra pilot. He was getting past the part where he was still trying to figure things out and was not yet to the part where it starts to get political. He was about to tuck his first deployment under his belt and enjoy his years as a company grade officer. As for me, since I was seventeen, the Marine Corps has been my life. I went from enlisted, to officer, to dependent wife. I almost can't remember life before the Marine Corps. While it definitely has it's good and bad, it is the life we'd chosen and loved. Our friends were more like family and we felt very much at home. Even Jaida is struggling with the idea of not being a Marine kid anymore. She has grown up around Marines and has always been proud to be a part of the Marine Corps family. This is all she knows.

We have no doubt that we will find success and happiness in our civilian life, but it is definitely a detour from the road we thought we were on. Life changed and we are changing right along with it. While we know that this is right and good, it is still difficult and a little bit scary.

Since that day in November when the decision was made, we have been discussing, praying, and searching for what is next in our lives. We are waiting for the results of his medical board so we can begin the process for his retirement from the Marine Corps. Ryan has put in some job applications and we are still waiting for an offer. We are hoping to be moving west as early as this summer, with San Diego as our first choice for location. Wherever we end up and whatever we end up doing, we know that God has a plan for us and we are in this together.

2

Wow. So writing these posts took a lot longer than I originally planned. But that's our life. Which is probably why I was trying to catch you up on 2009 in the first place. And now I'm already way behind on all our 2010 activities. Guess I better get to it.

Our little miss Maya turned 4 in 2009, and it's been so much fun watching her personality develop. She can be very nurturing and motherly for her little brother, but with that comes a tendency toward bossiness. And I like to say that she is the most OCD of all my children. She likes things to be done the right way (ie., her way) or she will let you know about it. But Maya also is very witty and has excellent timing and delivery. She often will make a comment that has Ryan, Jaida, and I, all cracking up just thinking about it days later. Maya loves to run. Ryan will give Maya a "ready, set, go", and she will be off taking laps around the outside of the house with Noah trailing behind for about one lap. Noah loses interest pretty quickly, but Maya will just keep running and running. And then when she's finished she's very excited to show you how hard her heart is "beeping". Maya does not love bugs. Spiders, ants, bees, ladybugs, roly-polys, it doesn't matter. She doesn't like them. One day she was practically inconsolable because there was a ladybug on her shoe. Maya likes to make up songs and sing them to you. She likes to draw pictures and cut them out with scissors. She likes to sleep with her bed covered with stuffed animals and toys and just a little space left over for her to lay on. She likes to pretend she is a puppy. Maya likes tiny treasures and she likes to keep them in a little treasure box. Pennies, buttons, beads, they are all precious to her. Maya is very good at puzzles and can write the names of everyone in our family. Our little lady is so much fun and we feel blessed to have her in our lives.

Our little man Noah turned 2 in 2009. The last 12 months have been monumental in terms of his development. I think he learns new words everyday. Which also means you need to watch what you say in front of him. He is ALWAYS listening! And he is also quite the charmer. He knows how to turn it on when it works to his advantage. His teachers tell me they have the hardest time redirecting his misbehavior when he gives them his best grin. And I know exactly what they mean, he does it to me all the time. But even as charming as he can be, I never know for sure when he comes close to me, with a glint in his eye, what he's going to do. It seems he's just as likely to stroke my cheek, kiss me, or tell me he loves me, as he is to pinch me, bite me, or tackle me. He often will tell me, "Crabs will snap you, alligators will bite you, tigers will EAT you!" And he can turn just about any item into a weapon. His current favorite is using the stick part of the stick horse as a gun or sword. Like Maya, Noah likes to pretend that he is a dog. But while Maya likes you to give her dog commands that she can obey, Noah likes you to give him dog commands so he can look you in the eye and say, "No!" His favorite way to buy time or ignore anything he's told is to say, "One minute." We hear it most often when we tell him not to do something or to stop doing something. He says, "One minute," and just keeps doing whatever he wants. Noah loves to climb and jump. Never was this more apparent then one Monday morning last November when I heard a thump, a door opening and closing, then my door opening, and saw Noah sauntering into my room. Up until that morning, he had been sleeping in a crib. But once he figured out how to scale the side and stick the landing, that was no longer an option. It took awhile to convince him to stay in his bed all night, and it's still not always fool proof. Most of the time, after I put him to bed at night, I won't hear from him again until he comes in the morning to ask me if it's "wake up time". Noah is a character and it seems there's never a dull moment with him around.

I don't tell you often enough what the kids are up to, so I thought it rated an appearance on the top ten.

3

Jaida had quite an eventful 2009. And so much of it, I never told you about.

For instance, last spring, Jaida saw an advertisement for the North East School of the Arts (NESA). It is a magnet program on the Lee High School campus here in San Antonio. They offer seven majors in the arts that a student can focus on while getting a high school diploma. Jaida completed an application, resumé, prepared 10 pages of original creative writing, and spent an entire day interviewing and auditioning. We were told we would receive a letter within two weeks letting us know if she was accepted into their program. We got a phone call two days later. Jaida was accepted into her first choice program, Creative Writing. She was thrilled! And we are so proud of her. Being at NESA means that she has a more intense workload than she would have otherwise, as she takes two elective Creative Writing classes in addition to her primarily Pre A/P courses. But Jaida has juggled her responsibilities well and kept her grades stellar.

Jaida on the first day of high school

After Jaida got accepted into NESA, she didn't spend her summer waiting for something exciting to happen in the fall. She had a busy summer of traveling planned. She left at the beginning of July for California to stay with her Grandpa Davis and Mama Ruth. For the last two summers she has attended camp at Park Creek Bible Camp and was selected as Best Camper in summer 2008. That meant her tuition at camp this summer was free! She spent a couple days with Grandpa, then a wonderful week at camp, and then a few more days with Grandpa. But she wasn't done having fun quite yet, because then she hopped a plane to Honolulu!

Jaida's best friend, Taylor, lived in the house behind us from the day we moved into housing at Fort Sam. It didn't take long for these two girls to become inseparable. Unfortunately, military orders often make separation inevitable and Taylor's family moved to Hawaii in December 2008. Jaida was crushed and missed Taylor desperately. So it only made sense that Jaida wanted to go visit. Jaida, being the brilliant child that she is, came to me one day and said that she didn't want anything for her birthday. She didn't want presents or a party. She just wanted to visit Taylor. Ryan and I thought that was pretty reasonable, so that's just what she did. Taylor's family graciously hosted Jaida for two fun-filled weeks that Jaida will never forget. Jaida made a weeklong stop in Oregon to visit family before she finally ventured home to us in San Antonio. We really missed her all those weeks but were so glad she had those experiences.

Together again and all smiles!

An ocean can't keep these girls apart.

While I'm already posting what I'm sure Jaida will consider a thoroughly embarrassing post, let me brag about her just a little more. When Jaida was in 7th grade, she found out that the child of one of her teachers was diagnosed with leukemia. It really upset her and she wanted to do something about it. Someone told her that if you collected a gallon sized jug of soda pop tabs you could use it to pay for one chemo treatment. She immediately set out to save as many pop tops as she could. Later she did some research and discovered that wasn't true. But the pop tops weren't completely useless, the Ronald McDonald house accepts them as donations and recycles them to help offset their expenses. Jaida continued to save pop tops for more than two years. She even told a few of her friends to save them and they spread the word and brought her their collections. When it became apparent that the pop tops were taking over our garage, I told Jaida it was time for them to serve their purpose. Jaida called the Ronald McDonald house in Houston and asked them if they would accept her donation, and they did. Jaida and I toured their building and learned about the families that come to stay there. It was very moving and I was so glad Jaida could see the impact of her efforts.

Jaida with a small sampling of the gift she brought that day.

I don't think 2010 is going to be any less exciting for Jaida, considering she was nominated to be a student ambassador to China with the People to People program. She is still working through the application and letters of recommendation and has interviews scheduled for next month. (I'm sure there will be more discussion of it on the blog, so keep an eye out for that.) Jaida IS still a teenager and still drives us crazy sometimes, but Ryan and I are impressed with the young lady that we are raising and are thankful that God gave us such a great kid!

4

Ryan was duped.

A couple of months ago, Ryan's friend Pat invited him to go on a hunting trip. Pat had been invited to hunt and wasn't going to be able to make it, and asked Ryan to go in his place. Ryan hadn't been hunting since he was a kid, and back then I don't think he did so much hunting as hanging out and eating all the food that they brought. But he was ready for some "guy time" and a hunt sounded like just the ticket. The date was set for December and he was told they'd have everything he needed to hunt. Just pack a bag for the weekend and go have fun.

I didn't think much of it. I was all set to spend the weekend with the kids while Dad went off to shoot Bambi. But then I got a mysterious phone call. The caller was participating in the hunt and wanted to ask me a few questions about Ryan without Ryan's knowledge. The first one was simple, is Ryan left handed or right handed? But then they got more curious like, what kind of music does Ryan like? It became clear pretty quickly that they were planning some nice surprises for Ryan and I'm never one to ruin a good surprise. But it should have tipped me off when I asked how many wounded guys were going on the hunt and they said it was only Ryan.

The Friday morning of the hunting trip arrived and the kids were all off at school. It was just Ryan and I waiting for his ride and I was giving him the "Don't be like Dick Cheney" pep talk. A couple of trucks pulled up outside and a couple of guys jumped out. And there it was.....the video camera.

We invited them in, while the tape was running, and found out that Ryan was being surprised with a "Hunt of a Lifetime" thanks to Veteran Outdoors! Show host Cody Hirt was there surprising Ryan and I and Brad Strittmatter was capturing it all on video. I don't know who was more surprised, but I'm pretty sure both our mouths were hanging open. And I wanted to crawl under the couch when they asked to film me talking about what an opportunity like this means for us. I was certainly not "camera ready", but you'll see that yourself when the episode airs next fall. I don't want to tell you too much about the weekend but I'll be sure to post a link when it's going to be on TV.

What I can tell you is that Ryan had an AMAZING time and made friends for life with the guys he spent time with that weekend. There were so many surprises that I don't know how they'll fit them all into one episode and Ryan was so humbled by the kindness and generosity bestowed upon him. Below are just a few pictures from Ryan's weekend as a teaser for what is sure to be a great show!

Ryan with Ted Nugent and Cody Hirt

Ryan up close and personal with one of the residents at the YO Ranch.

These beauties were for enjoying not hunting.

Thanks to Pat Scrogin for recommending Ryan for this great opportunity! Pat had his own Hunt of a Lifetime and knew what an incredible experience this would be for Ryan. Thank you!

5

In May, our family participated in the Warrior Getaway hosted by the christian organization Joni & Friends. It was offered locally, in the Texas Hill Country and, unlike many, it was an event focused on the whole family.

Ryan and the kids take a break for a quick picture.

There were several recreational opportunities from horseback riding, to kayaking, to golf, and rock wall climbing. There were clowns and clown clothes so the kids (0r parents) could dress up and join in the fun. There was swimming, and jewelry making, and trips into town to do a little shopping. There was music and games at dinner, a family dance, a hilarious comedian one night, and an ice cream social another.

Maya and Trey climbing trees

But all the fun and laughs that we had weren't even the best part of the weekend.

Daddy and Noah like dinner.

Everyday there was an opportunity for the kids to go to supervised age appropriate activities, while the parents went to classes and break out sessions facilitated by the staff and volunteers at Joni & Friends. Our guest speaker for the weekend was Army LtCol. (retired) Brian Birdwell. Brian was severely burned on September 11, 2001, while working in the Pentagon. He offers a message of healing, hope, and forgiveness that so many people can relate to and it hit home with everyone present.

Trey and Maya pause for a little face painting.

The break out sessions gave the men and women time separately to talk about their experiences and connect with each other. There was laughter, tears, and a whole lot of honesty.

Ryan and Pam with Mel and Brian Birdwell

The weekend ended with a worship service that, like the rest of the weekend, was personal, honest, and deeply moving. It was hard to believe that in the four days we were there we had found so much peace and rest.

A family picture in the golf cart before we head for home

While we were at the Warrior Getaway, several families were asked to record a short interview about their experience during the weekend and which aspects were most valuable. We willingly participated and shared a little about our journey and how we came to be at the event.

A couple of months later, Ryan got an email from Doug Mazza, president of Joni & Friends International, asking Ryan to call him. We never could have imagined what came next. Our family was invited to come to Laguna Beach, California, in October to attend their President's Retreat. They were hoping we'd be willing to share our testimony and what the Getaway meant to us with the supporters of their ministry.

Noah's first time in the Pacific Ocean

Everything about our visit to California in October was so thoughtful. From our beautiful beach side resort, The Montage, to the welcome basket in our room complete with juice boxes, goldfish crackers, crayons and coloring books, and so much more. They provided transportation and tickets for our family to spend a day at Disneyland. And even Ken and Joni Eareckson Tada were interested in making our stay a pleasant one.

Maya loves the beach.

On Saturday morning it was our chance to stand on stage and share a little of our story. As we stood backstage, they played a video created to document the Warrior Getaway experience. Several families were featured, but our interview was really highlighted. After the video, Doug invited us onstage. We were greeted by a standing ovation that lasted for several minutes. It was unbelievable.

Jaida made friends with the Willis Clan.

We answered a few questions about the getaway and how much it meant to us to be a part of it. Meanwhile, Noah and Maya jumped up and down and generally had the wiggles the whole time. But no one seemed to mind. We were only onstage for a few minutes, but we were happy to do our part to continue their good work.

Ryan with Doug Mazza

At the next break, we were able to meet several of the other guests at the retreat. Before that we had not participated in any of the sessions. (I think they wanted our appearance to be a surprise.) Everyone wanted to meet Ryan and I and the kids, to hear more of our story and to thank Ryan for his service to our country.

Our family at Joni's 60th birthday celebration

The remainder of our weekend was full with a performance by The Willis Clan, a presentation from Joni Eareckson Tada, and Joni's 60th birthday celebration. Somehow we still managed to squeeze in a visit with my sister, Angie, and my dear friend Sarah. It was an amazing weekend!

The Joni & Friends organization does so much more than the Warrior Getaway. They have spent 30 years ministering to people with disabilities, and they continue their work with Wheels for the World, Family Retreats, radio ministry, and so much more. Joni's life story is such an inspirational one and she gives all the credit to God in everything she does. She has written books, recorded music, inspired movies, produced beautiful artwork, and changed lives all from the confines of a wheelchair due to quadriplegia. We were so honored to meet her and to play a small part in the continuation of the work she does with Joni & Friends.